Funny Jokes

A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the Brunette, “Jump! Jump! It’s your only chance to survive!” The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

“C’mon! Jump! You gotta jump!” say the firemen to the Redhead. “Oh no! You’re gonna pull the blanket away!” says the Redhead. “No! It’s Brunettes we can’t stand! We’re OK with Redheads!” “OK,” says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, “Jump! You have to jump!”

“No way! You’re just gonna pull the blanket away!” yelled the Blonde.

“No! Really! You have to jump! We won’t pull the blanket away!”

“Look,” the Blonde says. “Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you’re not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it…”

Several weeks ago, we hired a new blonde secretary who wasn’t the
brightest crayon in the box. One day when she was typing, she turned
to another secretary and said, “I’m almost out of typing paper. What
do I do?”

“Just use the copier machine paper,” the other responded. With that,
the blonde took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier, and proceeded to make five blank copies.

A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor.

She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down.

He gets out his light and says, “Open wide”.

“I can’t,” replies the blonde, “the chair’s fitted with arms.”!

A blonde goes into a library and cheerfully says, “Hi! I’m here to see the doctor!”
In a stern, but hushed voice, the librarian says, “Miss, this is a library.”

So the blonde lowers her voice and says, “Oh sorry!” Then whispers, “I’m here to see the doctor.”

When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the attractive blonde bowed her head slightly and said,

“No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink.”

“Why is that,” the host asked?

Her reply… “Because after one drink I can feel it; after two drinks …anyone can!”

1. The water proof towel
2. Solar powered flash light
3. Sumberrine screen door
4. A book on how to read
5. Inflatable dart board
6. A dictionary index
7. Ejector seat in a helicopter
8. Powdered water
9. Pedel powered wheel chair
10. Water proof tea bags

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

“Twenty-six.”

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display.
“Well, I have good news and bad news,” the owner responded. “The good news is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings.”

“The gentleman was your doctor.”

An elderly couple go to their doctor for a checkup. The man goes in first. “How’re you doing?” asks the doctor.

“Oh No,” says the woman, “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again.”

A Lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff’s Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy’s expense………..

Deputy says, “Exit your vehicle, sir.”
At this point, the Deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the Lawyer and says: “DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN?”