| A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.The cop walked up to her window and asked, “Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?”
The blonde said, “I’m sorry sir, but wherever I go, there’s always a tree in front of me and I can’t seem to get away from it!” The cop looked at her and said, “Lady, that’s your air freshener!” |
| A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears.The genie says, “You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much.”
The woman says, “Okay. Give me a nice house.” The genie replies, “You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two.” The the lady says, “Give me a gorgeous man.” The genie replies, “You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two.” The lady says, “For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it.” |
| A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down.The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Houston and I’m staying right here!”
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in First Class who belongs in Economy and won’t move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Houston and I’m staying right here!” The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won’t listen to reason. The pilot says “You say she’s blonde? I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.” He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says “Oh, I’m Sorry, ” and she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section. The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss. “I told her First Class isn’t going to Houston.” |
| A blonde rings up an airline. She asks, “How long are your flights from America to England?”The woman on the other end of the phone says, “Just a minute…”
The blonde says, “Thanks!” and hangs up the phone. |
| Two gorgeous blonde biologists were in the field one fine summer day. While following a game trail, they came across a pair of tracks. “Look! a pair of tracks” The first blonde said while pointing to the ground.”Those are deer tracks,” the other blonde replied.
“Oh no,”she said to the first, “Those are definitely moose tracks.” |
| Three blondes have just finished a jigsaw-puzzle so they decide to celebrate by going out. They walk into a bar chanting, “61 days 61 days!”The bartender gets curious and walks over to them and asks, “Why are you chanting 61 days?”
One of the three answer, “Because the box said 3-6- years!” |
| A guy took his girlfriend to the movies. During the pre-views, she asked him if he would go and buy her some M & Ms.When he returned with her candy, she opened the bag, picked out all the brown ones and threw them away.
“What did you do that for?” he asked her. “I’m allergic to chocolate!” she replied. |
| A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.
The genie says, “Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one.” The brunette says, “I’ve been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home.” POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family. Then, the red head says, “I’ve been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too.” POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family. The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks, “My dear, what’s the matter?” The blonde whimpers, “I wish my friends were still here.” |
Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, “This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it.”The librarian says to the other librarian, “So here is the person who took our phone book!”
| There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. They were all builders and they were working on a sky-scraper. They always ate lunch on the top of the building. The brunette always had a ham sandwich for her lunch, The red head always had a cheese sandwich, and the blonde always had a turkey sandwich. One day they all got sick of always having the same thing to eat everyday, so they made a deal. They all said that if they brought the same sandwich they usually bring, they would have to jump off of the top of the building.The next day, the blonde was found dead on the ground by the building. The husbands of the three builders were there and they started to talk. The red head’s husband said to the other two men, “I packed my wife a peanut butter and jelly j so she wouldn’t jump off.”
The husband of the brunette said to the other two men, “I packed my wife a turkey sandwich so she wouldnt jump off.” They both looked at the wife of the blonde and he said:” Don’t look at me, my wife packs her own lunch!” |