Funny Jokes

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head all went to an antique store and saw a beautiful old mirror.
The lady working at the store said, “This is a magic mirror. You must say something true. And if it’s true, your wish will come true. If it’s not true, you will disappear.”The blonde, red head, and brunette decided to buy the mirror, and brought it home with them. First the red head walked up to the mirror and said, “I think I’m the most beautiful girl in the world.” Poof, she vanished. Then the brunette walked up to the mirror and said, “I think I’m the smartest girl in the world.” Poof, she disappeared. Then the blonde walked up to the mirror and said, “I think … ” Then Poof, she disappeared.

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city.
Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened.
She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn’t get out of her room. “You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?” The stewardess replied: “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, “There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.”

That doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde, “if I only can sell the car.”

“Okay,” said the brunette. “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore.”

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, “Did you sell your car?”

“No,” replied the blonde, “why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it.”

There are three ladies working together in the same office - a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. After a while, they begin to notice that each day their boss, who is also female, leaves work early.

“NO WAY!” The blonde exclaimed, “I damn near got caught yesterday!”

Two blondes rented a boat and went fishing. After finding a good location, the first blond told the second one to mark the spot so when they came back they will be able to find it again. On the way home, the first one asked, “How did you mark that spot?” The reply was, “I put an X on the bottom of the boat.” To that, the first blond said, “You idiot! How do you know we’ll get the same boat next time?”

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.”

She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, a blonde.”

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”

A blind man enters a Lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar
stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while the blind guy
yells to the bartender: “Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?’ A deathly
silence
transcends the bar. In a deep, husky, menacing voice, the woman next to
him
says: “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The
bartender
is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I’m a 6′ tall, 200lb blonde with a
black belt in Karate. What’s more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde
and she’s a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde and she’s a
pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell
that
joke?”
The blind man pauses to think, and says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to
explain it five times.”

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy. The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish. The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge and yells “Eagle!” She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away. The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out “Salmon!” She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn. The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish. She panics.
“Crap!”

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.